Really, no words. Starting over again.

Last STATS:        Starting STATS:
 Weight:175        Weight: 172
Neck:12 in           Neck: 12 in
Waist: 32.5         Waist: 33.5
Hips: 45              Hips: 45
Arms: 13.75        Arms: 14
Thighs: 27.25 in   Thighs: 28
Baby Gut: 42.5 in Baby Gut:43
Calves: 16.5 in    Calves: 16.5
Cankles: 9 in       Cankles: 9.5 in
BMI: 34.15           BMI: 33.89

I am very frustrated. I work so hard during the week and am excited to get on the scale today. And I gained again. WHY?! I'm not snacking at night, I'm watching proportions, I'm tracking what I eat, I drink a ton of water. I'm just frustrated and disappointed. I'm not going to give up, I just am... bummed.



WEEK 1 STATS:           WEEK 1 STATS:
 Weight:174.9              Weight: 175
Neck:12 in                Neck: 12 in
Waist: 33.5                 Waist: 32.5
Hips: 46.5 in                  Hips: 45
Arms: 14 in                  Arms: 13.75
Thighs: 27 in                Thighs: 27.25
Baby Gut: 43 in             Baby Gut: 42.5
Calves: 16.5 in               Calves: 16.5
Cankles: 9.5 in                 Cankles: 9 in
BMI: 34.10                 BMI: 34.15

So obviously I'm really good at this. Basically I gave up during the most hectic month of my life. I'm not going to dwell on it. I realized last week that I have three months until I go to Utah for Christmas. I REFUSE to be this heavy when I go. I don't want those looks. The "oh man she's gotten big" looks. People don't understand that I can see them. Anyways, this week I just said I'm done. I gave up soda for the first time, gave up all sugar, breads, and dairy. It's just fruits, veggies, and meat. occasionally, I'll throw in beans. I was frustrated to see that after all my effort, I gained two lbs. I walked every day and stuck to my diet. I drank more water than I have in years. I'm hoping that it's water weight. That my body is so shocked by this that it's holding onto the water in fear of my not continuing to drink it. I decided that I am going to do measurements and go off of that more than the numbers.


August STATS:           WEEK 1 STATS:
 Weight:178.4              Weight: 174.9
Neck:12.5 in                Neck: 12 in
Waist: 32.5                 Waist: 33.5
Hips: 46.5 in                  Hips: 46.5
Arms: 13.5 in                  Arms: 14
Thighs: 27.5 in                Thighs: 27
Baby Gut: 45in             Baby Gut: 43
Calves: 16.5 in               Calves: 16.5
Cankles: 9.5 in                 Cankles: 9.5in
BMI: 35.10                  BMI: 34.10

So the only difference I see is in my face and neck, and my gut went down 2 inches. I'll take it. I'm still really bummed that I gained after all my work. Let's see how next week goes.

Oy. So that was my week. Exactly how it sounds.

Temporarily we are living with my parents while we look for a new place. Our last apartment had some crazy drama. We moved out as fast as we could which meant staying with family while we search. This week has been full of me being in the car for hours while driving around different cities trying to find the right place. You know what that means right? STRESS AND FAST FOOD. Deadly combination. There were a lot of factors in why I didn't diet this week. Excuses suck and if I REALLY REALLY wanted to, I'm sure I could have stayed on it. But I didn't. Moving in with parents meant eating their food. Too broke this week to buy my own groceries. We have to save money for the next place and rent and deposits and blah blah. So we are broke after that and hours and hours of driving. That meant a lot of pantry food. Pastas, breads, cereals. I feel like crap this Monday. Bloated beyond belief. Ready to go shopping today now that we got paid again.  NOT ready to step on that scale and measure myself. BUT I WILL. Oh and did I also mention it was my husbands birthday this week? That meant cheesecake, ice cream, going out to dinner. I have yet figured out how to make a healthy choice when going out to eat. No one wants to order grilled chicken after a week of eating nothing but. That, I need to work on.

Long story short. I let the hard times stop me from working harder than I already have to. I'm working hard mentally and emotionally. I need to not let that stop me from working hard physically.

Happy note from this week: My 6 month old daughter Genevieve started crawling! So crazy that she is mobile and old enough to be. Time has flown.

Anyways, so here it is. My shame. My repentance. My new week. Which will start off with a morning walk with baby G. It is only in the 60's this morning and after the 110's its been the past few weeks, I'm going to enjoy this.


WEEK 1 STATS:           WEEK 2 STATS:
 Weight:175.1              Weight: 178.4
Neck:12.5 in                Neck: 12.5
Waist: 32in                 Waist: 32.5
Hips: 46 in                  Hips: 46.5
Arms: 13in                  Arms: 13.5
Thighs: 27in                Thighs: 27.5
Baby Gut: 45in             Baby Gut: 45
Calves: 16 in               Calves: 16.5
Cankles: 9in                 Cankles: 9.5in
BMI: 34.45                  BMI: 35.10

So that wasn't very fun. My fault, but still not fun.

I'm also a MAJOR Diet Coke addict. Like major.

I think this week it's time to focus more on water. I think that's been a huge factor in my cravings and my water retainment. Shocker right? Soda isn't water? Who knew. I want to try and drink one bottle ever two hours. It sucks how much water sucks after drinking so much soda. Makes me kind of nauseated when I drink it in the morning and a lot of it. But it's something that needs to happen. Common sense. I'm hoping that will be my saving grace this week. I am figuring that next week I will probably gain just from drinking a lot more water, but eventually will lose more once my body realizes this isn't a one time thing. Then my legs will finally be less swollen. WAHOO!

Alright, time to get over how crappy of a week this was and the crappy results. New weeks, GO!

Weigh in Day!

So I could definitely feel a difference in how I felt this week. It is so nice to not be bloated and feel so nasty all the time! So I woke up today and was ready to hop on that scale! I love the wii fit because it will not only track my weight, but my BMI as well. The only thing I don't like about it is the fact that after I weigh in, she kindly but firmly says "You are obese." Thanks avatar lady. You are correct. But oh how I love seeing that BMI and weight bar go down!! Anyways, here are my results from the first week!

BEGINNING STATS:      Week 1 STATS:
 Weight:180                Weight: 175.1
Neck:12.5 in                Neck: 12.5in
Waist: 34in                 Waist: 32in
Hips: 46 in                  Hips: 46in
Arms: 13in                  Arms: 13in
Thighs: 28in                Thighs: 27in
Baby Gut: 45.5in          Baby Gut: 45in
Calves: 16 in               Calves: 16in
Cankles: 8.75              Cankles: 9in
BMI: 35.41                  BMI: 34.45

Wahoo! So I lost 4.9 lbs, 2 inches off my waist, 1 inch off each thigh, and half an inch off of my gut! I'll take it!! 

So I should probably mention what I am doing for my diet.

For my weight and height I should be eating 1200 calories a day. I have been tracking this via myfitnesspal.com. It helps me keep up with carbs, fat, and protein. I am not completely balancing my diet though. So fitness pal tells me I'm way over on protein each day, Every body is different and I lose weight when I focus on protein. This is because I can't eat wheat anyway. It bloats the crap out of me and messes me up. I also got some inspiration from "The 17 day diet". I had some friends and family try it with a lot of success! I don't want to be on a diet and have to count days though. So I took some info from the book and other experiences from diets I have done in the past.

I eat fruits, vegetables, chicken, and fish. Occasionally, I will add beans in my meal. I also may have egg whites for breakfast. My day usually looks like this.

Breakfast- Protein shake or 4 egg whites, 4 oz greek yogurt, an apple.
Snack- fruits
Lunch- Veggie mix salad with 3-4 oz grilled chicken breast, natural apple sauce
Snack- almonds, fruit, or veggie
Dinner- Grilled chicken, tuna wrapped in lettuce, or another salad.

I know it doesn't exciting or all that delicious. Food has never been my obsession. I guess I should say tastes have never been my obsession. I could eat bland food, and the same thing, day in and day out. So I pick easy, healthy, meals so that I don't get overwhelmed or feel like my diet is controlling me.

So I would consider this week a success for me. I stuck to my routine as a whole. Did I find myself breaking down a few night ago and have a small bag of potato chips? Absolutely. BUT I took responsibility of that and tracked it. After years of dieting and restricting I have learned that it is better to indulge in a small way once or twice a week, track it, and move on, than to restrict yourself hardcore and then later break and binge eat. You can enjoy the food you love in moderation. I can go without the foods I use to love, its the desert that I have a hard time completely cutting out. So if I want one or two bites of cheesecake, I go for it. But I stop there. I don't let that one or two bites turn into a whole slice or two. Normally, I'd probably eat 3 slices so I consider this a success. My husbands birthday is tomorrow. I will have a bite of a cake. And that's okay :) I will take one bite and move on and won't sit there groaning and fixed on that cake desperate to try some. It won't be all I can think about because I already had my bite. I've learned that life has to be flexible. No more "I already broke my diet today, might as well start again tomorrow", and then I end up eating all night before it starts again. You break it, forgive yourself, and start again that minute.

I will try and blog more this week. We are currently looking for a new home so I spend a lot of my day researching and out driving around. I need to squeeze more time in for this! I think it absolutely helped to blog  at the hard moments last week.

Anyways, ramble ramble! Off to make breakfast!

Remember that one time when I was going to commit to blogging to help me commit to my diet? Well now you see my commitment problem. Whoops. I have stuck with the diet though. So at least thats something! I'm feeling anxious to weigh in and measure myself officially on Monday. When I see results I get super pumped. This week so far has been so-so. I stayed within my 1200 calories, but here or there when I had extra calories I may have given myself a little something I shouldnt. Of course, I use the excuse of the extra calories. In reality, we both know it's not about calories as much as it is about giving my body nutrition. None the less, I still feel a lot better than last week. Cutting out huge portions, pastas, breads, fast food, loads of sugar.. who wouldn't feel like ass after eating all of that?

My sister came over yesterday and was eating Panda Express. It smelled sooo delightful.  So I grabbed a salad and sat next to her to be smelling and eating at the same time. I'm pathetic.

One thing that has kept me going is the fact that I have outgrown my wardrobe. Or what I call a wardrobe. It's actually only like 5 shirts and one pair of pants. I stopped shopping years ago and recently went through and threw out things that didnt fit. Which was most of it. I am ready to lose about 15-20 lbs before I go shopping for a few things. I don't want to spend a ton of money on clothes that will be too big later. But I would love to find clothes that flatter now, and would still look good 40-60 lbs later. Which will probably be hard, but with my husband in college and me not working, I'm willing to take the challenge. I'm tired of throwing on the same shirt everyday and doing the minimum makeup and putting my hair back. I'm a woman damnit! I should be doing more. I hope in the next week or so I'll start to feel more motivated with that. I can't tell if I'm lazy with my appearance because I'm fat, or because I'm a new mom. I take every ounce of sleep I can get even if that means sacrificing a shower. I'm disgusting I know.

My husband has the next 4 days off of work and school. This is going to be a challenge. My husband is ridiculously skinny and eats what he wants. Which has usually meant that I give in and just eat whatever he's eating while we're out. Who wants to eat a fast food salad? But I think  he knows how serious I am this time around and hopefully wont sit on the couch next to me and eat some fudge or a bucket of ice cream.

Well, my time is up, the baby is awake! My sweet little girl is a little more fun to hang out with than this blog. Hopefully, I mean, I will be back soon!

late night cravings.

Right now all I want is a damn kit kat. Or cake. How about BBQ potato chips? All of these things are in my home. Are they mine? No. But I sure want them to be. Today has been rough. Not because of the diet, though. Just a whole lot of fun things going on in life. We've all been there and can relate. But it's these times where I just want to crawl in bed, drink a diet coke, and indulge in something that won't let me down. Except, it will. My temporary fix will become a permanent addition to my thighs. I don't know why my emotions are so controlled by food. Logically, there is no connection. Food is a survival tool. But it's how I've coped with my emotions all these years. The food quiets my mind. So I sit here without any sugar or junk to shut my mind up. Nothing on tv to substitute my cravings. I guess this is where I learn how to control these cravings on my own. This is a make it or break it moment for me and it's only night one. Guess I'll make it tonight. This helps I think. To use the thoughts I throw out there instead of repeating them over and over until I go crazy. Life's never going to be easy. Days aren't always going to be craving free. I'm done giving in because my day is hard. My days are always going to be hard. And that's okay. How about I pray instead of eat a cookie? I would think prayers help your mind better than any candy bar out there. It's settled. No snacks for me tonight. Instead, a long ranty post and a prayer.